she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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