we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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