the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
