I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
