i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
