There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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