This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
