I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
