Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
