I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
