I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
