With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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