Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
