what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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