My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
