There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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