Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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