two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
