Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
