shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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