I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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