Pappa wants mamma naked
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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