this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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