dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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