Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
