East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
