we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
