So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
