she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
