my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
PANTIES FOUND
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