Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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