all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
