We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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