he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
