I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it hurts more in the daytime
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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