He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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