fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
