is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
my liver is dry heaving
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
