Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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