We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
