Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
