drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My vagina is officially offended.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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