It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
