He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize