Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
