dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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