just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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