Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
