At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
