Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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