I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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