At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
