dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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