If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
