census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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