Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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