I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
