I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
