If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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