No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
