I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
