Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
