Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
