im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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