its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
