I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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