he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
