seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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