pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry about my life...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
