Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
